Tiny Answers

NEW SECTION!

@madeleinewinter asks:

If you had to choose between having a pineapple for a hand (no cuts offsie) OR only being able to eat pineapple forever – which would you choose and why?

This is the question I’ve been waiting for all my life.

Sure, a pineapple for a hand sounds like fifty varieties of nuisance. Of course it would be. In lieu of fingers, you’d have spiky leaves! WHAT’S THAT ABOUT? And it would be heavy. Pineapples are heavy mofos. And you kind of…need your hand for stuff right? Like lifting things (drinks) and playing badminton.

But to eat pineapple forever. Well. Pineapple is great and all. But fuck. Nothing burns more than eating too much pineapple. Can you imagine? I can, because I always do it, I always eat too much pineapple and the acid burns my tongue and I hate it and want to curse the tree that borne it (do pineapples come from trees? No really, where do pineapples come from?) and then I can’t eat anything else because my tastebuds have been decimated. Oh wait, if I CAN’T eat anything else, then maybe this option isn’t so bad…except I would destroy my tongue completely after the first week.

Oh and I love food way too much to limit my choices to a yellow fruit. I would rather be a spiked monster than sacrifice cheeseburgers. This is such an existential cheeseburger crisis. But I opt for the heaviness of the pineapple hand. Because at least this way I get to have my pineapple hand and eat it too (wait can I eat my hand? I can’t…okay…but I can eat other non-hand pineapples?) I don’t mind trading in my current hand. It’s hurting from writing so many words and it gives me such grief at the best of times (see here).

I choose pineapple hand. I really hope this is a hypothetical question.

Thanks for the question madeleinewinter

KEEP SUBMITTING YOUR QUESTIONS!

BYE.

One thought on “Tiny Answers

  1. Hmmmmm…I’m a pianist, so at first I completely dismissed pineapple hand as a viable option. But you’re completely right about what eating pineapple all the time would do to you. The heartburn alone! I do love pineapple, but I think I’d have to go with having a pineapple hand, and just learn some one-handed pieces on the piano 🙂

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