Here’s something only a handful of people know about me: I am an aficionado of the mafia gangster film genre. It all began when I was 16 and studying the ‘revenge’ theme for my English Extension class. We had to find suitable texts, so my girl gang and I made a day of it with a Godfather marathon.

By the time we were done with the trilogy, the penny had finally dropped. It all made sense. Every horse head in bed pop culture reference! That terrible throaty voice commercial for lozenges! How Al Pacino was once a young fresh faced innocent Italian and not just a machine gun yielding, poorly-accented Cuban with a scar for a face! It was a revelation of sorts.

Thus began the obsession. I suppose being a tiny feminist schooled in Italian at a feminist school, led me to dream about creating my own version of the Godfather called La Madrina (The Godmother). Oh you can LOL now, but this is still one of my lifelong dreams, only I won’t let it be the end of me and end up creating a 5-hour epic saga like a certain Italian someone (I’m looking at you Sergio Leone).

(Little aside, but if anyone is tight with Ennio Morricone, could you tell him I’ll need his scoring powers in about, say, 20 years? Thanks. Oh and can you also drop a line to Sofia Coppola? She’ll probably direct the film, keep it in the family).


Crazy dreams aside, I threw a little mafia themed rooftop pool party recently, minus the rooftop pool (the rain cursed us but it also cursed the people who chose to attend the Laneway festival instead of this party, so you know, revenge is a double edged sword). I believe one of the best parts came when Theme Me dedicated a special birthday theme for me. Hot damn!

Here are some memorable quotes from the evening:

‘She just did this spin and then rolled over on the couch in one fluid motion’ (on my dancing skills in a tight red polka dot dress – mafia wives can dance too you know)

‘We won’t stop until everyone at this party is in the photo’ (one person would take the photo and then join the photo, someone else would take the next one, then join, and so on and so forth – Theme Me‘s idea of course.

‘I tap danced so hard just then, my shins are bleeding’

‘EVERYONE GETS A MAFIA  NAME! Choose your name wisely, Johnny Two Times’.

‘Why are you flinging sausages across the room at your own party? You’re trashing your own house!!’ – (we made hot dogs for everyone)

‘You know I haven’t even seen The Godfather’ – ‘Get out of my house…WE WILL WATCH IT RIGHT NOW’ (after midnight)

(Upon being handed a box of homemade cookies) ‘NO…IS IT…DON’T TELL ME….CANNOLI?!’ (it wasn’t)

‘Take a picture of me kissing The Godfather’

‘Take a picture of me pouring Sangria into The Godfather’s mouth!’

‘Should we take The Godfather poster with us?’ ‘He is always with us’

‘See this?’ *holds up a lemonade bottle made of glass* ‘It’s not lemonade. It’s gin. But shh. Prohibition’.

‘WHO SERVED THIS MAN WHISKEY IN A PLASTIC CUP?!?!’ ‘It was Fat Moe’ ‘FAT MOE, GIVE THIS MAN A GLASS. I WILL NOT BE SHAMED IN MY OWN HOME IN FRONT OF MY GUESTS’. (not long after this, the glass was broken, and it was slurringly said: ‘I don’t care! It was worth every flying shard of glass!’)

My mafia name was Frankie, naturally. Keep the change, sweet cheeks.


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